SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
