Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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