Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
