Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The ass gains better be worth it
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