It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm both gender and math confused
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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