omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
