i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
