These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
