I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
