My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
