My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
