so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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