I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
