The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My balls are so social today.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
