I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
