I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
