In the future we'll all be gay
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
