worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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