her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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