I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
