I accidentally had phone sex last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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