One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
