Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
