So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
