I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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