i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
