someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
