the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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