I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
