i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
