I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
