DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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