all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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