dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
