All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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