i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
