yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
