one two three fourrrrnication!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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