Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
