You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
