that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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