i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
