she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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