im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
