i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
