My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
