He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
