Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
