so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
