Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
