she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
