Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
