Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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