I love black thongs
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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