are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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