this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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