if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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