No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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