I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
