I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
